Where's my security appendage?

Anybody seen this? I'm not trying to ruin anyone's Christmas surprise but the fact is some of you might be getting this.

Ladies & Gentlemen,
The Boyfriend Arm Pillow
[Right now the thing is on backorder so don't get too excited.]

What in the world? I've seen some odd things on the internet but holy outcast!

And it's half a torso! So your imaginary boyfriend is the victim of a horrible shark attack? Notice it's the Boyfriend Pillow. They know good & well that if they had named it the Husband Pillow it'd have to have a pot belly, an untucked "Kiss My Bass" T-shirt & you wouldn't be able to snuggle up to it cus it smells like motor oil & a fart.

I wonder if the Girlfriend Pillow is just two legs. Maybe we should market that.

How 'bout this for ad copy?

GIRLFRIEND PILLOW

[insert picture of two-legged pillow with Jerry's head nestled at home plate with eyes closed & pleasant smile]

Even though you'd rather be curled up on the couch alone, this is the next best thing with comforting legs that wrap around you as if to say, "Wanna go to Hooters for dinner?" or "No, I think that poster from Death Wish II looks a lot better on the mantle than the picture of my mother," all the stuff you'd never hear from a real girlfriend.

Polyester, filled with snuggly foam [rather than deceit, like the real thing]. Complete with G-String & small feet. Imported. 37" waist x 22" inseam, you know, a size 4. Sorry, discreet packaging not available, you freak.