Wednesday, November 16, 2005

I Like To Call It My Thinking Cap

In frustration with a few people I know, earlier yesterday I began to think, "I know I've quipped something philosophical & poignant about this at some point in my life."

Problem was, I couldn't remember it. You know, I feel as young as I ever did. And even though I'm becoming a bigger baby with each passing day, perhaps memory is starting to go. This is the first sign of it anyway. Or maybe it's happened before, I don't remember.

This is why I think we should start giving out PDAs to all the old people before they start dropping like extras in Glory, taking with them the meaning of life or a recipe for fried apples or something invaluable like that.

All I could come up with are odd things I've said at one time or another that don't really add up to a philosophy but did get me quoted & sometimes smacked. In listing them I now find it a little hard to believe I never made it into the good schools.

Things like:

- "Never consider your options after dropping an apple in the toilet."

- "I may be alone but I ain't wrong."

- Woman, to me at a party: "You can judge a man by the way he dances."
- Me, to woman's friend: "You can judge a woman by the way she judges a man."

- "If your girlfriend's stack of self-help books is taller than your stack of nudie books, it's not going to work out."

- "It's hard to impress someone after they've watched you have a heart attack."

If that's all I've learned in this life, I'll have to take it. When I was younger I was told that I was mature & learned for my age. But now I've noticed that with some things it's taken me a little longer to pick up on than everyone else. Even people that don't know which way the moon is seem to learn a few things along the way. Either it's just an impression I get of others or I really am as dense as a Yonkers diamond.

Although I don't think we're here to just learn lessons, things do go a little smoother when we pick up on the occasional omen. Some people can just cut things off cold at a looming foreshadow. My mother quit smoking in a day. My friend broke up with a girl at an airport right before the flight. Another friend quit his job out of the blue the other day. None of these people have looked back with doubt.

Me, I tend to keep faith alive. And when I do make a grand leap, it's usually a mistake in the sense that it isn't based on lessons learned in life but rather on lessons learned watching Hardcastle & McCormick.

Maybe it's time to admit that in a few years I'll be shopping at Kroger with my hockey helmet on cus I keep banging my head on the meat case. I'm not going down without a fight though. I promise, I'm taking good notes from here on out. Quiz me, I'll be ready.